My ex won’t let me gift our daughter a car for a selfish reason

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Dear Pay Dirt,

My boyfriend and I broke up four years ago. Six months later, she married a man with two children. It was very difficult, especially for our daughter “Jane”.

Jane expects Jane to do all the corrections because she is the oldest (one year younger and 9 years younger). I always go to work so Jane doesn’t go with me full time. When I am at home, he spends a lot of time with me. It was a real bone of contention with his mother.

My mother can’t drive anymore. Since then, I have been taking care of her old car with the express intention of giving it to Jane when she turns 16. Jane agreed to the plan at first: Jane had a grade, got a part-time job for gas, and split the difference in insurance costs. Jane turned 16 in December and held up her end of the contract. The former left theirs.

He called me and told me that he didn’t want Jane to have the car until after college. I was confused and said that if money is tight, I will cover the insurance myself. But my partner wants to back out of our agreement and let our daughter down because the new couple can’t afford to do this to their grandchild next year. The girl is jealous and it is not “fair”. I told my boyfriend that maybe he and his wife won’t punish Jane, but he and his wife can adopt the girl. Life is not fair and 15 years is enough to understand the situation. Jane has nothing to do with getting anything from my family.

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I told my boyfriend that I’m willing to sell the car to him when and if Jane is done (her dream college is overseas), but I’m still giving the car to our daughter. My boyfriend told me that either Jane has to share the car with her sister or never leave the car in her house. At that time I told my lover that I hope that this comfort to please his wife is worth the lifetime of discrimination that he will give birth to Jane. I told him I would hire someone to live in the house while I was gone so Jane could move out. My ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to destroy his family. We haven’t spoken since. Jane can tell there is tension in the air and wants to know what is going on. I stopped because I didn’t want to ruin his relationship with his mother anymore. They are as opposite as they are. What are you doing? I feel like I’m sitting on a bomb instead of a birthday present.

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– Final count

The Last Countdown,

Give the car to Jane. Your daughter’s sister is not her responsibility, and this is not the last time in her life that different resources and opportunities are available to her younger brother. The good news is that Jane’s sister won’t be able to drive legally for a year, so this sharing is still theoretical. The worst part is being tempted to suggest agreeing to let Jane’s sister share the car for a year and then renege on that deal later to give her a taste of her own medicine.

But, I think it’s better to emphasize to your ex that his daughter has no contract to get a car like Jane – the more unfair thing is to break his contract with his daughter . can be done future jealousy.

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Needless to say, no one is using the car at the moment. It just sits there. The way your ex views this whole process seems to point to Solomon: If both girls can’t get a car, no one can. It just doesn’t work.

Ultimately, if the car is in your name, you have the right to give it to your daughter, even if your partner doesn’t want it. It’s also a good idea to sell the old one for Jane’s benefit of having a car when she’s at home. If your partner doesn’t know how to drive, Jane’s ability to run errands or drive around siblings can have a big impact on them. It is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar.

-Lillian

More advice from Slate

When I was pregnant with our first child, I kept crying my eyes out when my husband and I found out we were having a baby. I confessed to my husband that I was afraid that he would hate me as much as I hated my mother.



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