How to start talking about money with your partner – without fighting

With the recession seemingly looming, personal finances may start to wreak havoc on your relationships. A 2018 study by Ramsey Solutions, a financial advisor, found that money is the second leading cause of divorce behind infidelity.

Ramit Sethi hosts couples who fight about money on his “I’ll Teach You How to Get Rich” podcast. Many of his interviewees share the same problem: not being able to talk or manage money together.

“Couples don’t talk about money, especially on the first day,” Sethi told Insider.

“They don’t talk about money otherwise. So, people’s relationship with money is complicated. It’s almost always moving. They wait for something bad, and then fight it. time. .”

Sethi says people often bring their baggage around money in relationships.

“The real problem is that we all come into relationships with different views on money, how we were raised about money, how much we earn, and then how we believe our relationship should be,” Sethi said.

It can be difficult to work on your financial relationship as a couple if you haven’t taken care of it on your own first.

“Because none of us really learn how money works, like taking one plus one equals 1000, and that’s the root of a lot of disagreement,” Sethi added.

Sethi asks couples to “imagine their rich life,” whether it’s traveling, buying expensive items, or just feeling financially comfortable. If couples want to change their relationship with money, Seith told Insider, they need to create a shared vision for finances.

Sethi told Insider that he then gets a couple to look at the numbers and get a better understanding of their finances.

He’s seen couples with millions in savings struggle to spend $20 and take out food, he said. “Most people equate the size of their checking account with their financial health. That’s a very naive view.”

Creating a comprehensive picture of joint and individual assets is an effective way to connect with your financial goals and improve your understanding of money.

Once you have a shared vision and a deeper understanding of your finances as a couple, Sethi advises partners to work together financially.

He also suggests asking important questions about how to approach your money moving forward: “How will you talk about money? What kind of active meetings will you have? And when will you be traveling to Italy?”

Sethi doesn’t think her advice always works — about 10% of the couples she brings on her podcast don’t respond to their breakups, something she calls a red flag. But Sethi also points out that money is the only problem if a couple is struggling.

Deep problems are often about how a person relates to or treats others. “Money is just a word. If you reverse engineer it, you go back to ‘he won’t talk to me about money.’ Or ‘he didn’t live with me and make our spending plan.’ That’s the least of it.”


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